But a big part of this is when I get in those types of situations, I normally use a crutch of some sort. When I'm at a party and feel awkward or like I don't know many people, I normally will have a drink in my hand. When I'm at work, standing with people talking, I will normally eat to make me feel less uncomfortable. And I honestly never realized this until Friday after I ate an entire piece of carrot cake during a birthday celebration. Something when I planned it out prior I said to myself I would take the cake and eat half, or not eat it at all.
After work that day, I felt guilty, and angry with myself. I was wishing I could have been stronger, and not given in so easily, without even putting up a fight. And that uncomfortable fullness was gone by 5pm, andI was starting to get hungry again, as I head out to my friends birthday without having time to eat dinner. I had a veggie quesadilla, and It was actually chock full of veggies, and pretty delicious. I felt ok with my choice, but it didn't end there...
At the next bar my friend got wings and curly fries. While the wings I could resist, the curly fries were RIGHT in front of me. While I far from ate the entire plate, i did have a good serving of fries, (which were awesome btw). And then at the next bar M got nachos...
I was so full when I got home, to the point where my stomach hurt. I KNOW that this is my journey, and that I need to resist temptations like that, but there are certain situations where it's just hard.
I felt.. off Saturday morning (and throughout the day). I was sad and discouraged, and didn't want to do anything. I was dissapointed in myself for not being more OP,and felt, again, guilty for my behavior.
So why, when I feel guilty, do I not stop, switch it up and get back on track? Why, instead, do I compliment my bad behavior with:
- Peanut Butter M&Ms
I did do a bit better on Sunday. Woke up refreshed, new day blah blah blah. I measured all my food, went to the gym, and had a movie date with a friend, (and her boyfriend. I have no problem hanging around with couples, but everytime I hang out with her, her bf joins in. And they are both more sensitive types, so saying something would cause drama. But there's a reason I sometimes avoid hanging out with her one on one. Its just plain awkward to hang out with a couple who jump and tickle each other. And When you call them out on their pda, they are just "expressing" themselves), which I did indulge inpopcorn and some candy for (hey, I didn't have lunch!) but it was twizzlers, and I tracked them.
Today I am fully recommitted. Back on track. I want to get to 205 by the end of April. and snacking and cheating won't get me there. I need to not indulge the way I did this weekend, and plan a hell of a lot better.
My plan (revised)
-Work out Today Wednesday and Thursday.
-Take a walk Tuesday
-No ordering out lunches, and portion out dinners!
-Stick to fruits veggies and healthy snacks when I'm hungry. It'll keep the sugar cravings at bay.
And worry about myself. Not what others are eating/doing.