Thursday, August 4, 2011


Your welcome :-)

But in all seriousness, I've mentioned my friends on here before, but I've never really talked about my friendships in relation to weight loss. Mainly because it's a topic that I'm a bit confused by myself.

My weight has never been a topic I've talked about with friends. Ever. So in that vein, it never made much sense for me to share my journey with my friends either. I mean, I don't hide it from people, but it makes me a bit uncomfortable to talk about myself in general, let alone about a topic that covers the majority of my insecurities and fears. That ish ain't easy.

I have my friends who I've been friends with since high school. While our friendships have changed (and so have we), and we may not get to hang out as much as we used to, they are still "the girls", and will probably always be "the girls", to some respect. I think we all annoy each other from time to time (and I'm getting better at dealing with this. Because I haven't in the past) but we've been friends forever. We've never been big on talking about dieting, weight loss, working out, etc. It's just never been a centerpoint of our friendships. So I've never brought up weight watchers and the like, just because in that situation it's awkward to be like "oh hey guys guess what? I've lost X amount doing weight watchers, isn't that exciting?". They did bring it up, which was nice to hear and have that confirm that it is noticable that I am losing weight, but I didn't need for them to acknowledge it, if that makes sense :-)

I have the girls I've met through M's friends. I like them, and enjoy spending time with them (for the most part), but I do feel a lot of the time there is a lot of competition, and ultimately, while I like them all a lot, we don't have a ton in common. And I've grown away from that group in the past year. Not a bad thing, just life, right?

With this group, it's been known from the getgo that I've been doing weight watchers. Mostly because one of the girls joined and is maniacal about it (seriously.Last year she announced to the entire party that I do WW too, which was irritating and then proceeded to lecture another girl about how she doesn't drink beer because there are too many points, and how all day she ate fruits and veggies so she would have the points to drink her light drink. and then she threw up all over herself and our friends couch. At least I made it to the toilet :-P)  They are also very competitive with one another, and then to do the passive agressive put down, which I'm just not into. So it's sort of a well known fact that I'm losing, but I try to avoid the awkward conversations, and don't bring it up ever. It comes up, and I'm open, but I try to do it in a way that avoids judgement/weirdness.

I also have friends I've retained from college. Most of Fairfield was a wash, but I've stayed pretty close with most of my London Friends, and my roomie from FU, D. D is, for lack of a better word, my freaking soul mate. She is the one person in this world who completely gets me, I'd say 95% of the time (besides M, obviously).
My london friends I relate to very similarly to D. While we are all different people, I feel like when we speak it's like nothing has changed, we have stayed so close. It is a group that I feel like I can tell pretty much anything to (especially D and one other) and have no judgement, just friendship.
With these guys, from the getgo I recieved comments on my weight loss, told me how great I looked, and seemed genuinely interested in hearing about it. I've been relatively open with them, but a lot of our friendship was based on eating healthy, talking about weight loss and working out, etc. so it doesn't seem out of the normal to bring it up. D even joined weight watchers with her mom (her foot was run over by a cop car last year, so she hasn't been able to work out, and was looking for a way to learn to eat healthier. The girl is thin as thin can be, but I commend her for trying to be healthier and eat more balanced), so we have talked about that as well.

It's funny how different dynamics can affect how you involve your weight loss journey into your life. I think I will always be hesitant to talk about it, because I'm afraid to come off as braggy, or that deep down people will think "she's still fat, how can she offer advice" or "she obviously doesn't do that much, or she'd be super skinny by now". I've also realized that a lot of people have skewed views of weight loss, and what it entails. You know, in order to lose weight you have to kill yourself at the gym, and only eat super healthy foods. I know that's not true, and a lot of people do too, but I feel like this perception helps make my weight loss journey a bit more private, because I don't want to open myself up to criticism. It's why I don't share it with every person I meet, only those I've known for awhile/feel like I can trust. And even then, I don't want to share it all the time, and make a big deal out of it, because I know I will become paranoid that I will be silently judged for every not so great thing I eat/drink.

And I realize that these are my friends, they aren't there to judge my every action. But judgement happens sometimes, and I feel like opening up to others about my weight loss journey leaves me open to criticism. Even if it doesn't happen, there is that deep seated fear. But I also consider myself lucky. I haven't had any friends truly bring me down because of my weight loss, or let it get in the way of our friendship, which I have heard happens quite a bit. There is nothing wrong with including your friends in your weight loss journey. A lot of people use friendships to hold themselves accountable, and to share victories with. But that just isn't my style. I share that with my sisters, because they are right there with me. They get it, you know? I relate differently to different friends, but overall, I'm just not at a point where I can comfortably talk about my weight loss, and not feel awkward/uncomfortable. I feel like in this situation, it varies from person to person.

There is no handbook on weight loss, and very little "norm" to follow. You sort of have to make it up as you go, based on what you feel comfortable with. I don't think me not wanting to share it all with my friends demeans my relationships at all, or makes them less worthy. I think an important aspect of friendship is that you don't have to feel like you need to share everything. You should feel like you can, but it isn't a requirement, you know?

I hope to get there someday, but for right now, I'm content :-D

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