Motivation

You know, that thing I've been lacking since I hit 200?

One downside of MFP is that It's harder for me to look back on my progress. WW made it so easy with charts, lists, etc. I've made my own, but it's just not the same. It's probably what I miss the most about the program, how sad is that? Either way I looked back on my own personal chart, and saw something I wasn't too happy with:
6.24.11: 199.2
10.24.11 194.2

So in the past 4 months, I've lost 5 pounds. I know that's better than a pound a month, and it's better to lose 5 pounds than to gain 5 pounds, but it's more than that. It's not like I've been trying my hardest and not getting anywhere, in all honesty, I'm surprised I've lost that much. I've given into temptation, (namely cookies, candy, sweets etc), and half assing workouts/ giving into procrastination haven't been my friends these past 4 months.

There have been a lot of positives. I'm no longer stressed out when I  enjoy myself, which is great, and a lot healthier. I've found fun in other workouts besides killing myself at the gym, (like walking, and hiking), which is great as well. But I can't help but feel like I've used certain things as excuses. Like I'll tell myself it's ok to only workout 3 times this week because we went for a long hike on Saturday. Or I'll be "tired", and skip the gym. Which is a super slippery slope.

And what's harder, is I don't know how to get back to where I was. I was so determined, I wanted it, you know? I still want it. I still want to get to 160, but at the same time, I think I forget it sometimes. I let myself get distracted. I'm the thinnest I've ever been in my life, a mere 4 pounds from the 180's, which I can tell you I haven't seen since I was oh 8? maybe 9? But in my head, getting below 200 was the real goal. Hitting that milestone was such a big deal, it's almost like I let myself "celebrate" it, by half assing it these past 4 months.
And so, for the umpteenth time, I'm making a game plan. We'll see if I stick with it. I truly think last night was my breaking point.


Throughout yesterday, I had fun sized M&ms, 3 mousketeers, and twix, and then 2 cupcakes from my bosses for my birthday. and then 3 full meals, and some mini cookies while sitting. I did workout, so I wasn't in the red, but I felt sick to my stomach by 9pm. I tried Tums, but nothing worked. I lied in the fetal position with my sore stomach, and realized it was probably because I haven't consumed that much sugar in ages, and my stomach is having a bad reaction. either way, it was miserable, and I felt disgusting. And I was dissapointed in myself. It wasn't the same as the guilt I felt with WW, it was more anger that I've let myself make these little mistakes lately. Weight loss isn't easy, it takes a lot of hard work, and making it a priority. And I need to get back to that. And it will come in babysteps. Cutting things out, limiting other things, upping my workouts bit by bit. I will get there, I know it :-)

So here's my general game plan to get back on track:
-Limit Sweets, and eliminate soda from diet for at least 2 weeks: This is going to be my "cleanse" of sorts. I say limit sweets, because it's halloween, and I know I can't resist all temptation. But I'm gonna be picky with what I eat, and recognize what I'm eating, instead of just devouring. And I'm going to stop drinking soda, because I do think it makes me crave sweets more than when I'm not drinking it.
-Come up with a game plan for the gym each week, and stick with it! My biggest problem is I'll say Ok I'll work out Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, and by the time Thursday comes, I want nothing to do with the gym. Or I'll tell myself I'll work out at home instead, and we all know how that works in the end. rarely. So no excuses. Even if it's a lighter workout than I planned, something is better than nothing. I need to get back to that mentality and get in workouts whenever I can.
-Focus my efforts on Portions again: Something I've failed at. Since our scale broke, I haven't been measuring my food. I'll eye ball. And don't get me started on work snacks, I definetly push the serving size of cheez-its and pretzels to the max. Honestly, moving out next week is going to be good for me, because I can make my own food most of the time, and portion out leftovers for lunches

I'm starting this today. I have my meals planned out, and am not having any halloween candy, or treats. or soda. And I'm going to the gym :-)

I'll update on my birthday weekend, and life in general in a little bit :-)

You Know What's Kind of Ridiculous?

The fact that I busted my butt at the gym for over a year consistently. At least 2-3 times a week, more likely 4X a week, doing videos, strength training with free weights and the nautilus machines, working at running programs, whatever. I felt good about myself, and loved (egotistical moment alert) looking at myself in the mirror, just because it constantly reminded me of how far I had come.

This summer, I didn't go to the gym very often. Maybe once a week. I spent a lot of my time hiking, running/walking outside, and especially in the last 2 weeks just being too busy to go to the gym. It happens, I'm ok with it. Part of this weight loss journey is living my life and not missing out on events and opportunities. I was still active, I still felt ok with my progress, and still went to the gym 1-2 times a week. I just found other things that I loved even more.

Ok so It took me probably 3-4 months before I started enjoying my time at the gym, and didn't feel like death every day. I started wanting to stay longer, and do more, and could seriously feel my endurance increasing every week.

So it's been about 2 weeks since I've worked out consistently thanks to sore muscles last week, and lots of moving the week before. I went to the gym last night, and honestly? It was the hardest I can remember it being.

I struggled to do 30 lunges, where 2-3 weeks ago I could do 45-50 no problem
I was starving the entire time, which may be because I didn't eat enough real food yesterday, and loaded up too much on sugar.
Either way, my time on the eliptical was miserable. My Heart rate was holding steady at 165-180, which isn't normal for me (when working out it normally stays within 150-169) and I was constantly out of breath. What happened to me?

Hopefully it's just a fluke. Hopefully I just didn't eat enough, so I hadn't fueled enough which made it 10 times harder to work out. At least I went, right? And I burnt 850 calories, so that was good. It gave me leeway to eat a big dinner and still have calories left over from my workout. It's just amazing that it can take months to get on track, but in as little as a week or two, your endurance levels can suffer so much!

I am forbidding myself any type of sweet or candy until Friday. If I have a loss this week, I'll let myself splurge a bit :-)  But I've had enough this week to last me, I've indulged, now it's time to stay on track. I've tracked breakfast, lunch and a snack already.

Totals	803	121	29	34	46	1,584
Your Daily Goal	1,500	206	50	56	32	2,500
Remaining	697	85	21	22	-14	916
	Calories	Carbs	Fat	Protein	Sugar	Sodium

I'm over my sugar limit (all the fruit) but everything else I'm in good shape for, I think!

I am going out with two of my friends from London tonight. There will be tons of talking, and I'm driving so I plan on milking that excuse :-) I will have two good beers though, and leave room for chips and salsa. We are going to a mexican bar after all :-) I am going to attempt that video again after work, I figure it's a good way to burn calories, and get a fast  workout in :-)