Stressed

So this weekend was not a good one. At all.

On Thursday night we brought Toby to the park for a nice walk, since none of us felt like going to the gym, and M was having some pretty bad back pain (he has had it for about a week now, and is going to the doctors tonight. I think he has a muscle spasm, because his pain reminds me of my pain from that. Either way it sucks for him :-( ). The pup was acting totally normal, if anything just wicked excited to be going for a walk.



sad


I noticed a purplish lump on his back leg. In February 09 I got a call from my mom at about 7am, telling me that toby got sick, and he may not make it. He developed a blood disease that caused him to not be able to clot his blood, so he had bruises all over his stomach, and was bleeding internally.

They put him on medicine for it, and thankfully he responded well and within 6 months was back to normal, albeit 15 pounds heavier thanks to the steroids haha.

On Saturday the doctor's confirmed that he had relapsed, and had bruises all over his body, including his gums. He had zero plateletes in his blood smears, and they wanted to hospitalize him, to the tune of 6000 dollars, to start.

My family has had some issues as of late as far as working goes, and money has been tight. My mom has had 3 patients die in the past 3 months, and one move in with her son in CT. She hasn't been stable for awhile, and has suffered money wise as a result. They also just got a tenant into the apartment, after 6-7 months of not having any rent to supplement their income.

So my mom heard that number and flat out told them she didn't have 1000 to give to this, let alone 6. My sister made her out to be a bad guy, but I understand. My sisters, although old enough, don't really have a great understanding of the value of a dollar, and think a couple of grand is no biggie. They constantly take advantage of my parents, have them buy them clothing/silly things whenever they decide they want them. And my mom, who had no problem telling me no growing up, has this issue with putting her foot down with them. Which I don't understand, especially where they both work and make money, and have no real bills. But where I spend at least 60% of my paycheck on bills, that doesn't matter, because I obviously have more to burn than them. It drives me nuts. My sister are constantly blowing their money on expensive shoes, expensive waxes, getting their nails done, etc. I can't afford any type of real luxury (except my nights out and occasional weekends away), and have made it clear that I am trying to save up as much as I possibly can. And yet I'm constantly targeted.

Sorry, rant over with. Anyways so because of this, and because last time we didn't hospitalize him, my mom fought with the doctors to give us an at home plan. Especially where all they were going to do is test him to figure out what was wrong. They couldn't inject him with anything, or give an IV for fear he wouldn't be able to stop bleeding afterwards. It still ended up costing close to 600 bucks, but it's a lot better than the 6 grand.  It's just all very scary, especially where it hurts us to not be able to afford the best treatment possible, you know? It's a very hard thing to decide to do. Hopefully he is ok,  The medicine makes him very tired and moody. Almost lifeless. We've been checking his vitals, and feeding him water with a syringe (he is so tired he refuses to get out of bed, which happened last time with the meds), to keep him from being dehydrated.

It's just so scary to see him like this :-/ We brought him back to the vet yesterday and for another 90 dollars (now up to close to 600 total), they told us that nothing had changed, that he was exactly the same. And that the meds won't kick in right away so the fact that he isn't any worse is a good thing, it's all they could expect from him right now. I just hope he's ok, we've had him for 10 years, he is such a part of my family. It's killing us to see him like this, but I can't imagine what it would be like if he doesn't make it, I just can't :-(

As a result of this, my want to workout yesterday was completely gone. I took a nap with Toby, went to Target with M, and then just relaxed the rest of the night. All I've wanted to do since Saturday is mope and eat bad food. The fact that my stomach has been off and achey all weekend doesn't help either.

I am going to take tonight off working out. I'll only have 45 minutes before I have to take M to his doctor's appointment, and to be honest, my chest/stomach is in knots about this.

My eating thankfully hasn't been too awful. . Thankfully we were so busy carting the pup around I didn't have a lot of time to sit around and eat myself silly. Because I would have. And prior to the vet on Saturday, we went for a hike, and burnt around 730 calories, which felt good!.
My plan is to workout Tues Wednesday and maybe Thursday, depending on how things progress. Hopefully by then he will be starting to show signs of becoming better, and my next post will be a lot happier.

I can tell you what, it is taking every fiber of my being to not through caution to the wind and go crazy for lunch today.I may end up treating myself a bit though. I think i need something delicious.