Self Image

When I first started my weight loss journey, the thing that really lit a fire under my ass was pictures from my trip to Florida. I couldn't believe how huge I was, and it was enough to make me start to change my life.

I did really well, I'm proud of my success. But, like anything that's hard and takes work, I got really tired, and used a long weekend away last June as an excuse to give myself a weekend off. I even remember posing it as a question on the boards, and getting back "Well, when I take a break, I find it hard to get back on track", or "I always track, even if its 1000 points. You can give yourself a break on vacation, but I wouldn't completely not track"

I didn't listen, and loved not tracking, drinking and eating without abandon, and not working out. I tracked when  I came back, but fell into old patterns.

And then my stomach cramps started with running. Which made me not want to work out, and I started getting lax on my strength training as well.

I'm honestly amazed I still weigh 199 today, and not 20 pounds heavier or something. Maybe my scale is broken? I kid, I know I haven't been that bad, but I need to not be shocked when I don't do well, and when the scale won't move.

So anyways, you all know this, this is nothing new. What is new? Late last week I had to have my ID picture taken. I was kind of shocked at how chubby my face looked in the picture. And instead of saying "Ok Marie this is your moment, get back on", instead I drank thursday night, and excessively on Friday night as well. Oh, and I was too hungover to workout on Saturday.

And that my friends was my final moment. I decided I'm not drinking more than a few every once and awhile, and no more than 2X a week. I am pre-tracking my food, and trying not to overdo it. And honestly? I feel pretty good about my efforts.

I went for a walk on Monday, and Wednesday night had a really hard workout (in the 40 minutes of cardio I did was really hard. It's amazing how fast my ability wanes)at the Planet Fitness downtown. Which sucks, by the way. It's dirty, over crowded, and the machines are so old. You get what you pay for I guess, but I'm switching to the gym near my house as soon as I get off early (the office is only open from 9-5 to sign up)

Basically, I'm making an effort. I want to be at 189 by the time California comes around in the Fall. I know the past year has been stressful, with work changes, jobs lost, moving out, and just life in general. But I need to relearn self control, and how to only have a serving, or one beer (and yes I relate the fact that I've had zero self control with drinks to my no self control with food).

So I'm back, and hopefully it sticks