Running Freaking Rockstar

That's right, I said it.

A bit premature? Probably. But whatever. Because for the first time in a loong time (minus the one good run I've had since June) I ran. With no problems. And it. felt. amazing. And then yesterday, I did it again.


And I'm cautiously optomistic. :-)

I decided to run outside on Monday, mainly because it was low 70's and gorgeous. No clouds, a nice breeze, seriously one of the nicest days I've seen this year and I was of course stuck inside all day. So I headed to the Pope park (where I was running steadily into June at least once a week) and started out. My plan was to go a few weeks back on the couch to 5k program, to the 5min run 3 min walk 8 min run 3 min walk 5 min run breakdown. In total, I figured I could do both loops and the small trail, bringing me to 2.3 miles total.

I did it. I was a sweaty mess by the end, but I had NO side pain. To say I felt empowered doesn't even begin to give the feeling I had justice. In the past 2 months I haven't been able to run this distance (granted I did it in walking intervals, but still the majority was running!) without being crippled with cramps so bad they made me want to cry.

I think part of the reason I was able to do it with no pain was because I haven't run in awhile, so I've been giving it time to heal. I also ate a snack 2 full hours before, which may be key for the future. I have stomach issues, I have to admit that. Even with the gallbladder surgery, I am going to have some digestive issues for the rest of my life, and it's very possible that it just takes me awhile to digest my food. Either way 2 hours prior will be my rule of thumb for now on when it comes to running workouts.

I'm not sure when exactly I actually started to like running. I think with losing weight it has become slightly easier (and when I say easier, I mean I don't feel like dying), but I love the way I feel when I'm running, and the way I feel afterwards. It gets my heart rate up high, and I just feel so much more accomplished than I do on the eliptical, you know? To me, running is exciting, even on a treadmill. The eliptical is boring, and not nearly as challenging, for me anyways.But Monday and Tuesday nights made me realize just how much I've missed running, and missed the way I feel when I finish. It's amazing to be able to do it again.

Last night was a gym workout, but I decided to run again, because why not? I did 10 minutes high intensity on the eliptical, then 20 minutes running (3 minute warm up, 6 minute running 2 minutes walking 7 minutes running and 5 minute cooldown). Again, no pain. I kept my snack early again, and stretched out like crazy. I did 1.4 miles, and then went back and did 12 minutes on the eliptical. And I was starving by the end.

That part of my night was great. I burnt 615 calories in 50 minutes, and was pretty happy. Then I got home. And there was no dinner yet because we were ordering pizza and my sisters weren't hungry yet. Ok fine whatever. Long story short, I stepped on the end of my gym bag by accident, making the plastic ball on the end of the cord ricoche up and smack me in the neck, leaving a nice, painful welt. My sisters took a half hour to drive down the street and pick up the pizza, so even though I got home at 7 and asked that they order it soon, and after they took a half hour to order, and a half hour screwing around the house before they left. We didn't end up eating it till 830 which made me crappy and starving. Because they went to Walgreens and to get ice cream prior to getting the pizza. Knowing how hungry I was and just not caring. I mean, If I had known it would take that long, I would have made my own dinner, that's what kills me. It just threw me off and was very selfish of them. If either of them was hungry and I did that, I would be flipped out upon, but I was basically told to calm down and made fun of for it. I was not happy and am still annoyed (can you tell?)

And while I was waiting all hungry, I ate 3 cookies that were around 150 calories each, and a piece of scali bread with butter. And I felt pretty crappy about myself for it :-/ I know, it's only 3 cookies get over it, but I can't help but feel guilty. I worked so hard at the gym, and then basically got rid of the calories I burnt in those three cookies. Oh well, I still ended the day with a 120 calorie deficit (because I had 2 glasses of wine. Leave me be I was annoyed), and the fact that I need to move out of my house was reiterated to me. I get along so much better with my family when I don't live with them and have to depend on them for things. I've been reaching my breaking point lately, and truly cannot wait for November 1 :-)

Step on a Crack...

And break my freaking back. A slight correction to the old rhyme, because this is how I feel right now.

To recap:

-Friday night was spent watching Lord of the Rings, eating (well portioned!) chinese food, and drinking wine. It was exactly what I needed after going a bit crazy Thursday night. I was tired, as was M. I hope we aren't getting old :-P
-Saturday morning I was up bright and early to help my friend J move down the street to a larger, nicer apartment (which was beautiful, and had an awesome view of the ocean and the old mill and factory buildings in south boston.). We've helped her before, and it didn't take too long, so Ifigured I would help till 3-4, go home, nap and then babysit.

She had a 10am appointment with Uhaul, to find that the guy with the truck prior to her never returned it. And because it's almost sept 1, everyone was moving that day, so they had no open trucks until 2pm.

So we went to the mall (which was foolish because we really should have just grabbed lunch), walked around for an hour, then headed back over to the UHaul place. I'll spare you the rest of gorey details, but the hurricane started while moving, it was rainy, her stairs were slippy so I got assigned to organize the truck, which killed my back. And We didn't eat till around 6pm, so I was starving and we were all wet and crabby.

At 7 I had to babysit, so I had to leave the two of them to do the rest (we got most of it up, all that was left was the bed pretty much), I was exhausted, wet and achey. Thankfully the little guy was an angel :-) And we played Marie is going to make a giant pile of pillows for him to jump on while I lie next to them and clap, for like an hour. It was the best time everr. I love when 3 year olds are happy.

And after I read him The Jungle Book for the tenth time (every single week he wants it), he sang himself to sleep. It was absolutely adorable. and totally made my rainy wet painfilled day so much better. I got to go home around midnight, and had promised M I would pick him up in town from our friend's graduation party. I thought about just going all gross, and not going in, but I figured I'd be social, so I ran home, showered, threw on a dress and headed out. It was a good time,but I was so ready for bed by the time I got home.

I woke up Sunday morning to the full on hurricane, feeling crappy. My back was so sore from lugging things and bending over, and lifting all day Saturday. I opted to have a rest day (I'm sure I burnt a ton of calories on Saturday, I was so sweaty pre rain haha). Then we had this happen:

And that freaked me out. You can't tell from the picture, but the branch was huge! Luckily no one was hurt or affected really, except my street was blocked all day. I lofted around the house all day, picked up M, and we hung around, watched TV and movies. It was nice, but the rain definetly bummed me out a lot. And my pain didn't let up all day, no matter how much IB Profen I took :-/
Today is more of the same, I don't think sitting in a chair is helping me though. I had a pretty decent weekend eating wise (I went over, but not by a ton), but I need to be OP this week, and  I need to burn some calories.
To accomplish this, I have:
-gone grocery shopping, and bought deli ham, bagel thins (which I haven't eaten in like a year), cheddar cheese, clementines, greek yogurt, and snyders honey mustard seasoned nibblers (which are fabulous btw). I am ready for this week!
-have developed a work out plan. It is now written down that I will work out Monday-Wednesday. There. Now I have to!
My initial plan was to go to the gym, but I'm a bit nervous with my back. I think I am going to try and run outside, because it is beautiful out! And that way if I have side pains, or my back really bugs me, I can just walk the rest of the way. My plan is to do 2 miles walk/running, which is totally doable. So wish me luck!

Snapshot Friday!

Ok, so it's not Thursday, I know. But I got super busy yesterday. Without further or do, here is a snapshot of what I've done recently:

Fenway, isn't it pretty?



look at how close we were!



my rental bike!

the sisters

Action shot!

after 1.5 hours of biking, we stopped for PB &Js

there was a beach on the bike trail! We stopped for water, and scenery



because what would a staycation be without a trip to the harpoon brewery for a tasting?

 Happy Friday! Due to some not so wise choices last night, I was extremely hungover, and maintained at WI, which I was thrilled with. Try again next week :-)

I'm Back!!

Sorry for not posting in awhile! I gave myself the time away from the computer while I was on "staycation", so this is my first time checking the blogger in awhile! My time off was everything I wanted out of a vacation. Good food, relaxing nights, lots of activity, and some quality time with my sisters, boyfriend, and the sunshine 8-)

Some highlights (and lowlights)
-I had really good mexican food on Thursday (and subpar mexican last night. Picture boiled chicken with zero seasoning, wrapped into a tortilla, covered in salsa, sprinkled with cheese and called an enchilada. I was starving, but at one point just stopped eating it, it was so plain and boring, and they put way too much chicken in it)

-I went hiking with my sisters on Saturday, got lost, and ended up burning over 1000 calories because we were gone for so long. And it was beautiful and peaceful to be lost off the beaten track (we were only 10-15 minutes away,so it wasn't scary!)

-I went kayaking with M on Sunday. Gorgeous day, the pond it was on is beautiful, and a lot larger than it initially appeared. We brought a healthy lunch, ate on the boat, and spent 2.5 hours out there. My arms/upper body wanted to kill me by the end of it, but I loved it :-)

-I drank, a lot. But it was so worth it. And it was casual drinking, so I didn't get trashed everynight or anything like that :-)

-The sisters and I went biking on the Cape Cod Rail Trail yesterday. It took us 3 hours and 20 minutes, with a 30 minute break for lunch in between, and we completed a total of 23 miles. Not too shabby for my first time biking in 10 years :-) It was so much fun!

-I tracked everything Thurs-Today. Truthfully. No fibbing. And I only went over (significantly) One day. See here for proof:



I don't know what happened to 818, I assure you I ate and tracked food. My numbers might seem high, but most of those days including working out, so my eating was a bit higher as well.

 -I cashed in on Old Navy's sales on Monday as part of my day of relaxing. for 60 bucks I got:

•  2 Pairs of Jeans (one bootcut, one skinny)
• 1 dress shirt
• an oxford style shirt
• 2 tanks

and I got a work out tank at marshalls for 7 bucks! It's tight, but I figure it'll be nice for outside workouts. Now on paper, you may say, ok great Marie, but what is so exciting about these purchases?

I'll tell you what. For reference, at the start of my weight loss journey I was a tight size 18 (realistically more of a 20, I was squeezing into my jeans), and an XL all around. The jeans I bought were both a perfect 14. Not tight, even sort of loose! The tops I bought vary between a M-L, and the large fits comfortably, not tight. I seriously almost cried when I put the 14s on with no problem. I even tried on a 12, just to see, and while it was tight, I could button it! I'm so close! I remember way back when, I would think to myself that getting to a 14 would be ok with me, and I would be totally happy with that achievement. To me, 14 is the size they start selling in regular stores, it makes you no longer actually "plus sized". I can go to H&M and buy things in a large, and not have it fit awkwardly (or not at all). It's a great feeling :-)

I sneaked a peek at the scale today (I didn't WI on Friday due to a lack of scale, and drinking and mexican occuring the night before), and I was up, but giving the activity of the last few days, I'm not surprised. I was going to work out tonight, but I think I'm going to take it easy and take a nice long walk with the puppy. I also have a zillion pictures to upload to my computer from the past few weeks, so I think tomorrow I will do a Picture update. I'll try and do it every Thursday, give you guys some visuals, I'll come up with a cute name and everything, hehehe

Why is the Weather so Confusing?

And why is it always questionable when I take time off work?

As of right now, it is "a couple of thunderstorms" in the forcast for tomorrow. But the hourly forcast has it as sunny until 6-7, which would be AWESOME, but confusing where it is telling me thunderstorms for the daytime. If it does thunderstorm tomorrow, we'll just go kayaking on Sunday, but it's just so frustrating! Every time I'm off work, it's rainy, or cloudy, or something is up. But when I'm stuck in the office, it's always goddamn beautiful outside.

I'm bitter.

The Red Sox game was fun. I mean, they lost, which sucked, but our seats were right next to the foul pole, which was cool because you could tell which we're home runs and which were foul. And we saw a triple play, which I thought M was going to pee himself with excitement, because "that happens maybe once a season, and never at a game you actually watch". I love when he's happy at Sox games. Our record is not good though guys (2-5) , so they really need to step it up and win next month when we go.

In other news I'm a new and improved woman, in case you don't know :-) Last night I hit the gym, and had a great 850 calorie burning workout. It was just one of those workouts that exhausted me, but made me feel great. While I was working out I felt empowered, and not wanting it to end like I have been lately. It was an awesome feeling :-)

But I was exhausted by the end, and am sore today. M and I have plans to grab mexican and drink some beer tonight, which I'm pumped for. Sadly, both those activities aren't exactly weight loss friendly. I've planned ahead, and know the damage I'm going to do (complete with chips and salsa), and it made me realize that just taking a walk won't be enough tonight. So I'm going to attempt to run outside near my house. My initial plan was for tonight to be a high cardio night, but that was before we walked to the red line on Tuesday night, because it was gorgeous outside, and M hates crowds. It was lovely, but I was sweaty afterwards

a solid 2 miles, and we didn't stop at all. So I counted that as some quality cardio to work off the Beer Works beers :-)

But, I'll only have 20 calories left for the day after my food/drink tonight, and I have a feeling I'm not calculating my meal fully (I did the best I could but with restaurants you can never tell), so I'd rather burn some extras to give me a buffer room.

I'm kind of nervous to run outside, it'll be the first time in awhile I've attempted it. But hey, no time like the present, right? Plus if I fail, I can just walk home and I'm still burning calories :-) It's a win win!

I'm so ready for it to be 5pm today. I desperately need this time off. I'm exhausted, need to catch up on sleep and relax for a bit. Plus my sisters leave for school in 2 weeks, so I would like to spend some quality time (not just after work) with them before we move them in. So I'm looking forward to Monday/Tuesday being off work with them, and going biking/hanging out. It's going to be so much fun :-)

3 Awesome Things

1.2nd Best Place to Live in America, Money Magazine
That's my hometown! Born and raised in the 2nd best place to live in America, my current claim to fame, haha. It's been on the list before, and I can agree with it. It's a beautiful town,and you get a small town feel being 10 minutes from Boston, which really couldn't be better. I will say it does have a budget problem. They redid the schools a few years ago (which was well needed), and as a result of bad budgeting and spending money on stupid things they don't need (like brand new vending machines to replace the 3 year old ones), they have cut a lot of after school programs, and jobs. Which isn't cool. But hey, everyone has their dark spots, right? They do get a lot of things right :-)

2. I'm going to a Red Sox Game tonight!
My boss gave me her box seats for free for tonight's game. I guess she couldn't go, and didn't want to see them go to waste. And since I love the Red Sox, and baseball in general, she knew I would want to go :-) I'm so excited! It does me I don't work out tonight, but hey, I can work out Wed/Thursday instead. I have pretracked my dinner (papa ginos on the way home) and beer (3), and am only over my points by 200. Which is what I was under yesterday. And I plan on killing it at the gym tomorrow night. So booya, I'ma have me some fun!

3. Short Weeks
I took off Friday, Monday and Tuesday, so my week ends on Thursday! I desperately need a break, it has been a bit crazy lately, and I'm feeling burnt out. My company is also on the brink of becoming ridiculously crazy (it already is sort of starting, the production increased 10X in the past 2 weeks, so basically the number of cards I have to get through went from 15 to around 50-60), so I think my break could not come at an even better time.

It's the best feeling to be thinking about what I'm going to do for lunch on Friday, and then say to myself "oh wait, I won't be here". The Best. I'm not going anywhere, it's more of a "staycation" really. But I am doing 2 day trips, which would make any weight loss enthusiast proud :-)
-Friday M and I are going kayaking (weather permitting)
-Either Monday or Tuesday the sisters and I are doing a bike trip down the cape! It should be fun, although I can't remember the last time I road a bike, so I can see myself being incredibly sore the next day!

The inbetween will be filled with resting, sleeping, and enjoying a few days of my summer (hopefully at the beach with a book)

Happy Tuesday!

Famous Last Words

"I'm not going to drink a lot tonight"

Name me a time when a night ever ends well when it starts out with that sentence. But it was worth it, to spend some quality bartime with friends I hadn't seen in awhile. We did however end up missing the last train home, and had to take a connecting one, which goes to a not so nice area.
And there was this stupid guy throwing papers.at the girl next to us, and eventually us. So I asked him to nicely to stop.

And he threatened M.

So we switched cars. He followed us, and threatened us some more.

So the guy across from us stood up to him, and they started screaming at each other.

At that point the boys got us out of there. I was so scared, and was sobbing because I was drunk, and I'd never been in a situation like that before. To be honest, I'm shaking a bit thinking about it. So I'm not going to anymore :-/

A bit of a downer. We called the cops the moment we left the train station. And then when M and I got home we called the cops to make sure the guy sitting across from us didn't get arrested, and to make it clear he was defending us/himself. It was by far the scariest experience I've ever had on the train before.
And to top it off, I was extremely hung over the next day. Which just isn't fair :-) Even a Whopper Jr and small fry (totally worth every calorie) couldn't rid the pain.

But a 2 hr hike totally did the job , I felt like death the first 30 minutes. My stomach was cramping, I was so thirsty, my head pounded after taking Advil. But I pressed on. It was a bit muggy but cloudy, and cooler than it had been recently. And by the end of the hike my cramps were gone, as was my headache, and I had drank enough water to supply a small village.  I was a disgustingly sweaty mess, and felt 100% amazing.

That is the awesome thing about hiking, is the exercise high is so different than anything else. Inside a gym, sweating it out can be helpful, and sometimes fun. But there is an added bonus to being in the woods, hiking, seeing my heart rate slowly raise up. Pushing myself because I have to, otherwise I physically cannot keep going. It is such a different feeling of accomplishment, actually standing on a mountaintop and reveling in how high we have gotten. Plus, it's fun to do it with M and the sisters (or as M called them the sasses, because of their sassy nature haha), as we can talk during the less strenuous parts, and laugh at each other. It's a bonding experience.

The rest of my weekend was totally eclipsed by the awesomeness that was yesterday. I got up early (which was not so awesome) and headed down to Newport RI to meet up with D. It was rainy, and muggy, and all kinds of awesome :-)

We grabbed lunch when we got there, and I got the breakfast potato skins, mainly because everything else had crab or lobster in it, and they only had a brunch menu available. Phe-nomenal. That is all I have to say. I wish I had gotten a picture of it.

We then spent a solid hour walking around, to walk off lunch, haha. We sat in Starbucks for a few hours, caught up on life, then headed up the street to grab some chocolates and cupcakes (which were out of this world), and headed back to the train station. I was exhausted by the time I got home, but it was so good to see her, (It had been a full year, which is awful). We also made plans to see each other in the next few months (Me next month,  as they now offer megabus service to New Haven, which has a direct line to her new home, and then she is visiting me for my birthday weekend!), which made it so much easier to leave knowing we would see each other in a month.. The best thing about our friendship is we both value it, so while we don't talk every day, it is maybe 1-2 times a week, so when we don't see each other all the time, it's ok, because we still have that bond.I can't wait till next month!

Back to reality, here's the plan:
M-fitness video
T-Cardio at gym
W-Strength and cardio at gym
Thursday-walking

Happy (rainy) Monday everybody!

And Now, Our Bodies Are the Guilty Ones

First, Some Stats
This Week's WI: -2.6, 195.2

Week 1 Challenge
Goal 1(calories burnt)	3630/15800
Goal 2 (pounds lost)	2.6/10
Goal 3 (workout 4 days)	Sun, Mon, Wed, Thurs
Goal 4(limit indulgences)	Drank Friday, Tues, Dessert Sunday Thursday!

So My first full week on My Fitness Pal proved successful! Honestly, it may have been the newness of it, but I felt like I could be so honest and it was so much easier for me to estimate everything, the tracker has 10 times more options, and I really liked using it.

I was also not stressed out like I was getting on weight watchers. I double tracked over the weekend, and Sunday I was over my points by 8, but under my calorie limit by 100. Which isn't cool. But regardless I worked on making my menu balanced, and bringing a lot of the elements of weight watchers into MFP. And I think it worked!

My only issue is that the weeks don't correspond with my weigh in days. But that's only a slight issue, something I can work with! I am going to stick with this for now, and see where it leads me :-)

I don't really experience food guilt persay, as in I don't eat something and then think to myself "Ughh I hate my life why did I eat that". But with WW, I found a lot of the time I was regretting things at the end of the day, or being mad at my self for going over my dailies, even after my whole debacle when I realized that my results are BETTER when I go over my dailies!

I would just get so nervous when I would use up a chunk of points friday nights for drinks. I would feel uncomfortable. What if I binged, or wanted to splurge? What if I ate something and didn't realize the points? What if I was starving after a workout, and had a bigger than planned dinner?

Irrational thoughts man, but I can tell you something, it is a lot easier to see that you are over your calories by 300 for the day (In my mind I say to myself that is a Jillian Video, or half a workout!)than it is to see you used up 30 WP on booze. And I love drinking, it's not something I'm willing to give up long term. I've given up binge drinking, and getting wasted every weekend. But most Friday nights I love having a couple of glasses of wine, or a few beers. And 3-4 beers ends up being a point mess, to say the least.

So for now, I think this will work better, and make me feel less guilty at the end of the day. I am going to go over my calories sometimes, it's inevitable. But I can workout to make up for it, (Ex. I went over by 200 last Friday night, but I was under by 300 thanks to my workout on Sunday, so I feel like that cancelled it out.) There is less guilt because I'm not going into a bank of points like you are with WW. It's so hard to find the happy medium, and I'm sure I'll have struggles with MFP, but for right now, my stress level is down, and I'm happy to have seen a loss :-)

This weekend should be a good time, tonight I am meeting a bunch of friends for good beer and drinks, I'm excited, it's been weeks since I've been out and about. Tomorrow M and co are going hiking, and then we are going to a good bye cookout for a friend's boyfriend. I may be babysitting afterwards, but well see.
And then Sunday, I am meeting my friend D in Newport for the day, which is by far the best part of the weekend :-) We haven't seen each other since last August, so it should be an awesome time together. I will be sure to recap on Monday!

and 10 points if you can name the play my title is from. And Go!

7 Places I Want to Visit in the Next 10 Years

Why 7? Because I couldn't decide on 5, and 10 in 10 seemed like too lofty of a goal for a girl with enormous student loans/a lack of true disposable income :-)

disclaimer: Why am I posting this? Well, a few reasons. Mainly it's been rainy for days now, and lately I've been thinking about how much I miss traveling. And I'm working. And I still have on week left before my 3 days off. So I'm wistfully thinking about being anyplace but Boston :-)

7.Ireland (Again)

With my dad being from Ireland, I've been a lot (8 times), and seen a large amount of the West coast (Galway, Mayo, Clare), and done day trips throughout the country (a few times to Dublin, Kerry, Cork). But I haven't been since I was 17, due mainly to price, and to the fact that when I was in London my grandmother was sick, (not dying or anything, just frail), and so when my family came out to visit me, only my dad went over for a night, because we didn't want to overwhelm her or stress her out. It was fine, but I was dissapointed, mainly because I had waited to go to Ireland with my family that weekend, so I had missed my opportunity to go back at all!.

But I miss it, a lot. And There is so much more that I want to see. I want to explore the East Coast, the central counties, and venture up to Northern Ireland a bit. I'd like to explore the west more, actually go out (because I've been underage everytime, and my sisters/cousins were all under 13 the last time, so I wasn't about to go out by myself! haha) and experience the nightlife. It's funny, because for a person who has seen so much of the country and been there so many times, I do feel like there are so many parts I haven't even touched. So I would like to go back :-)

6.Chicago


taken from wikipedia.com



I was supposed to go to Chicago for a friend's wedding back in 08. I really regret not going (I had to bail out at the last minute. I was having severe financial issues, due to some not so smart decisions in London, and couldn't afford the flight to Chicago, let alone hotel, a present, etc. I was young, and stupid, and to this day still feel awful for how I handled it. I should have realized from the get go that it wouldn't be a possibility, not let her know a few weeks before.  You live and learn. I will never make that mistake again.), mostly because I wanted to see my friend get married. But also because I've heard the city is beautiful, and fun!

And full of history. I'm a big history person, I love reading it and learning about it, and seeing it hands on, so Chicago would be a city I would love for that reason alone! I am also reading Eric Larson's "Devil in the White City", which takes place in Chicago back in the late 1800's. I am just starting it tonight, but I'm sure this won't help my want to travel there!

5. San Francisco



wikipedia.org



M and I have semi plans to travel next fall to San Francisco. It's high on my list of places to see in the US, for no other reason than the pictures of it look just breathtaking!I love coastal towns, and like Chicago there is a great history aspect to the city. And I've never been farther west than Toronto, so it seems like a great way to see part of the West Coast as well. As it gets closer to our vacation and we actually book dates and the like, I'm sure I'll talk more about things I want to do and see in SF.

4. France

Namely, Paris. And Southern France, but mainly Paris. When I was abroad, the fact was that I just couldn't get to everywhere. Paris was unfortunetly left aside, as it was pricey to get to (I believe the chunnel train ran about 200 euros round trip. Considering I flew to Italy and back for 70 euros, it was a bit pricier), and I spent so many weekends traveling (6 in all), I decided to not make any other trips and enjoy London. But after seeing friends pictures and hearing about their experiences, I wish I had gone to Paris, just so I could have experienced it all. My favorite part of traveling is experiencing the culture of a city, it's so much more important in my mind than sightseeing (although that is fun also). And with a city like Paris, half the fun is the culture, and I really hope that someday I can get there and actually experience it for myself!

I don't have any Paris pictures, hopefully someday I can take some myself!

3. Spain


wikipedia.org



While abroad, I did go to Barcelona for a weekend. Which was a blast, and a gorgeous city, but from what I've heard very different from the rest of Spain. I'd love to go to Madrid, and Sevilla, and see all the monuments and areas that I spent years learning about in my spanish classes. I'd love to go to El Prado, and all the old castles and churches, as well as soak up the sun and enjoy some Spanish wine :-) I liked Barcelona, but I never really felt like I was in Spain while I was there. It was it's own entity, they didn't even speak full Spanish! I mean, 8 years of Spanish, and i don't even get to test out my knowledge :-)

2. Germany
My friends went to Berlin the weekend I went to  Prague. I don't regret not going then, they went in the middle of awful weather and basically stayed inside all weekend at our friend's BF's apartment. But I do wish I had gotten to go to Germany at some point, because I've heard it's a beautiful country. And I have a slight obsession with WWI/WWII history, and where else are you going to see a better example of that history than in Germany.

wikipedia.org

Also, as a beer lover, who wouldn't want to go to Germany and drink actual German beer, instead of just the imports :-) M and I have a slight dream of going to Oktoberfest as part of our honeymoon (yea I know, we are strange). While I don't plan on getting married anytime soon, I do hope it will happen in the next decade. And that it happens in the fall, so I hope to make this dream a reality!

1. Scotland 

I actually almost went to Glasgow for a weekend while abroad, but it was so expensive to fly there, and the bus company wouldn't take an American credit card (why I don't know, I think I was dealing with a crazy), so I ended up not going at all.



wikipedia.org



But out of all our trips, this is the one we talk about the most. I want to meet M's family, and see where he grew up, and where he comes from. We actually want to do a Scotland/England/Ireland trip, so I can go back to London and see my family as well as meet his, but from his pictures and memories, I know Glasgow and Edinburgh would be two cities I would absolutely love. And I've heard the highlands are spectacular, so having two cities/the countryside and mountains that I have never been to before, and am absolutely dying to see for myself, that puts Scotland at the top of my list.

To Review...

I had this big post typed up on Friday, but kept on getting busy at work. And then my computer froze, erasing everything. So the world may never know what I had to share :-)

But to recap:

1.Puppy Update!

Toby is doing ten times better! He hit a low on Tuesday where he wouldn't eat anything, and when he finally did (I think because he was just so hungry), he threw it up after we gave him his meds. It was so sad and I was so scared for him.

But Wednesday morning we didn't give him his antibiotic (because the side effect is nausea, so we assume that had something to do with it) and he was 10 times better. More alert, eating and drinking on his own (we had to pour water into his mouth with a syringe. it was messy. And he keeps on getting better every day, which is awesome. He even let me give him a bath yesterday



I mean, he didn't like it, but he let me do it haha


Just to give you some background, when we brought toby in, we saw 2 emergency vets since it was a Saturday. While they were trying to get us to fork up 6 grand, they told my mom that they spoke with his primary vet, and she agreed that we should leave him overnight with them.

So my mom calls the vet on Wednesday, and starts to talk to her. Her first words were "Toby was here this weekend?". she had no idea, I guess they called her, but just to ask about his medicine the last time, and even then they didn't follow it and gave him a different antibiotic. So that sort of justified us not leaving him there, because the woman was already a bit condescending in her tone (you could tell she didn't like the fact that my mom wasn't going to just go along with everything. Which I understand, but I think even doctors are a bit more understand about health costs than this girl was) and kept on repeating that this is how they regularly treat these types of things . His regular vet is awesome, and really helpful when it comes to cutting costs (she realizes how expensive pet care can be). She put in a script for amoxicillin, which he was on the last time. We checked in with her on Thursday, and told her how he was doing, and she told my mom that based on what we're telling her, she's confident he's going to be fine :-) We are even waiting a week to bring him in for more tests, just because he is visibly improved (his bruises are all but gone) , and because she wants him to be on the antibiotics for a full week.

So I'm 100% less stressed out and anxious today :-)

2. Relaxing Weekends
After my emotional turmoil filled week, and busy weekends for the past couple, I was well into the idea of having a lazy one this time around. Friday night M and I made steak and cheese sandwiches, watched the red sox game and Wedding Crashers, drink a little beer and wine, and just vegged out.

Saturday and Sunday were similar. We shopped, I went to the movies with my sister (andsawharrypotterfinallywhichwasincredibleandilovelovelovedit), watched movies, and tv shows, and primarily just relaxed. I was so tired from the past few weeks, I slept in till 12 which I haven't done in ages. It was nice to just relax, not be social, and enjoy me time :-)

3. Tracking

I can't explain what it is, but for the most part (give or take a few good weeks), I've been lackluster with my weight loss lately. I kind of get stressed out with tracking, and I go through the Don't wanna track all damage-feel guilty cycle. I've been letting myself make excuses for working out. Obviously caution hasn't been thrown to the wind, I've pretty much maintained my weight, and haven't stopped working out or anything.

It's just been different. I took that weekend off in June because I needed a break, and I hopped back on no problem, but I've found myself doing little things that (to me) show I'm getting lazy. Adding on a donut or snack from the drive through. Not tracking that cookie, or candy, etc. And I want to lose weight, I do, I don't know what has changed from all those months of success.

And after another week maintaining, I decided to compare my menu with calories eaten, and see what happens.

On the Weight watcher website, a bunch of boardies mention the website "My Fitness Pal". I had tried sparkpeople in the past, but just found the website to be too confusing/cluttered. So I gave My Fitness Pal a go. What I didn't expect was a clear format, with a very weight watcher esque landscape. And a database that includes brands, and tons of different types to help you pinpoint what you actually ate.

So over the weekend I double tracked what I ate in MFP and WW. I didn't find anything spectacularly awful with what I was eating (I also had a really good weekend), but I felt like MFP was so much...easier to handle than WW. I was easily able to enter the high point meal I had saturday afternoon, and the exact kind of salad I had on Saturday night. It was kind of fun to see the breakdown for calories/fat/carbs/protein, and not just have that spelt into a point value.

I am really thankful for all Weight Watchers has taught me, and I know I could have never lost 60+ pounds without it. I needed that structure and to have an easier way to think of the food I was eating. But for the first time in weeks I didn't feel stressed out with what I was eating, or guilty for having a few drinks to unwind. I didn't feel bad about tracking all I ate, or going into the red, because seeing I was 200 calories over was a lot easier to understand than seeing I had used 60-80 points that day, if that makes sense.  It also brought to my mind that here was a website I really liked, that I found easier to use/follow than weight watchers, and I would be saving the 16/month, which may not be much but could be very helpful for when I move out.

So I cancelled my 3 month membership, effective 9.7.11. I am going to test it out for the fall, at least. If I don't find myself having success with MFP, then I'll switch back. No biggie, weight watchers will always be there for me. But I like the idea of calorie tracking, and seeing if that will work better for me. So I will keep you updated :-) Nothing will be changing. I am still focusing on healthy eating, weighing in on Fridays, all that good stuff.

4. Running Success!
I've been meaning to write about this for days now, but I kept on forgetting!

Last wednesday I gave running a go. I did 10 minutes Abs, 10 minutes high intensity eliptical, and then went on the treadmill. I went back a few weeks in C25K, to the 10 minute run 3 minute walk 10 minute run.

And I'm proud to report that while I had some slight cramps, it wasn't anything I couldn't work through. I felt so strong and empowered while running, and ended up doing 3 minutes more than I planned on, finishing out my walk run at 2.5 miles! It was such a great feeling to have a good run finally, and I was so happy I could have burst right afterwards :-) I am going to try it out again tonight, but hopefully it'll be more of the same and I can put this little episode behind me :-)

Happy Monday!

Friends

Your welcome :-)

But in all seriousness, I've mentioned my friends on here before, but I've never really talked about my friendships in relation to weight loss. Mainly because it's a topic that I'm a bit confused by myself.

My weight has never been a topic I've talked about with friends. Ever. So in that vein, it never made much sense for me to share my journey with my friends either. I mean, I don't hide it from people, but it makes me a bit uncomfortable to talk about myself in general, let alone about a topic that covers the majority of my insecurities and fears. That ish ain't easy.

I have my friends who I've been friends with since high school. While our friendships have changed (and so have we), and we may not get to hang out as much as we used to, they are still "the girls", and will probably always be "the girls", to some respect. I think we all annoy each other from time to time (and I'm getting better at dealing with this. Because I haven't in the past) but we've been friends forever. We've never been big on talking about dieting, weight loss, working out, etc. It's just never been a centerpoint of our friendships. So I've never brought up weight watchers and the like, just because in that situation it's awkward to be like "oh hey guys guess what? I've lost X amount doing weight watchers, isn't that exciting?". They did bring it up, which was nice to hear and have that confirm that it is noticable that I am losing weight, but I didn't need for them to acknowledge it, if that makes sense :-)

I have the girls I've met through M's friends. I like them, and enjoy spending time with them (for the most part), but I do feel a lot of the time there is a lot of competition, and ultimately, while I like them all a lot, we don't have a ton in common. And I've grown away from that group in the past year. Not a bad thing, just life, right?

With this group, it's been known from the getgo that I've been doing weight watchers. Mostly because one of the girls joined and is maniacal about it (seriously.Last year she announced to the entire party that I do WW too, which was irritating and then proceeded to lecture another girl about how she doesn't drink beer because there are too many points, and how all day she ate fruits and veggies so she would have the points to drink her light drink. and then she threw up all over herself and our friends couch. At least I made it to the toilet :-P)  They are also very competitive with one another, and then to do the passive agressive put down, which I'm just not into. So it's sort of a well known fact that I'm losing, but I try to avoid the awkward conversations, and don't bring it up ever. It comes up, and I'm open, but I try to do it in a way that avoids judgement/weirdness.

I also have friends I've retained from college. Most of Fairfield was a wash, but I've stayed pretty close with most of my London Friends, and my roomie from FU, D. D is, for lack of a better word, my freaking soul mate. She is the one person in this world who completely gets me, I'd say 95% of the time (besides M, obviously).
My london friends I relate to very similarly to D. While we are all different people, I feel like when we speak it's like nothing has changed, we have stayed so close. It is a group that I feel like I can tell pretty much anything to (especially D and one other) and have no judgement, just friendship.
With these guys, from the getgo I recieved comments on my weight loss, told me how great I looked, and seemed genuinely interested in hearing about it. I've been relatively open with them, but a lot of our friendship was based on eating healthy, talking about weight loss and working out, etc. so it doesn't seem out of the normal to bring it up. D even joined weight watchers with her mom (her foot was run over by a cop car last year, so she hasn't been able to work out, and was looking for a way to learn to eat healthier. The girl is thin as thin can be, but I commend her for trying to be healthier and eat more balanced), so we have talked about that as well.

It's funny how different dynamics can affect how you involve your weight loss journey into your life. I think I will always be hesitant to talk about it, because I'm afraid to come off as braggy, or that deep down people will think "she's still fat, how can she offer advice" or "she obviously doesn't do that much, or she'd be super skinny by now". I've also realized that a lot of people have skewed views of weight loss, and what it entails. You know, in order to lose weight you have to kill yourself at the gym, and only eat super healthy foods. I know that's not true, and a lot of people do too, but I feel like this perception helps make my weight loss journey a bit more private, because I don't want to open myself up to criticism. It's why I don't share it with every person I meet, only those I've known for awhile/feel like I can trust. And even then, I don't want to share it all the time, and make a big deal out of it, because I know I will become paranoid that I will be silently judged for every not so great thing I eat/drink.

And I realize that these are my friends, they aren't there to judge my every action. But judgement happens sometimes, and I feel like opening up to others about my weight loss journey leaves me open to criticism. Even if it doesn't happen, there is that deep seated fear. But I also consider myself lucky. I haven't had any friends truly bring me down because of my weight loss, or let it get in the way of our friendship, which I have heard happens quite a bit. There is nothing wrong with including your friends in your weight loss journey. A lot of people use friendships to hold themselves accountable, and to share victories with. But that just isn't my style. I share that with my sisters, because they are right there with me. They get it, you know? I relate differently to different friends, but overall, I'm just not at a point where I can comfortably talk about my weight loss, and not feel awkward/uncomfortable. I feel like in this situation, it varies from person to person.

There is no handbook on weight loss, and very little "norm" to follow. You sort of have to make it up as you go, based on what you feel comfortable with. I don't think me not wanting to share it all with my friends demeans my relationships at all, or makes them less worthy. I think an important aspect of friendship is that you don't have to feel like you need to share everything. You should feel like you can, but it isn't a requirement, you know?

I hope to get there someday, but for right now, I'm content :-D

Stability

First of all, thanks for your Thoughts and Prayers! Toby was doing better this morning. Last time this all happened, I was at school, so I didn't see him that first week. And apparently it was a lot like this. He was lifeless and not drinking, panting and not hungry. After a week, he gets a bit more alive, and starts to feel better. That is when what my sister calls his "Roid Rage" kicks in. He gets famished, has mood swings, etc. That part I definetly remember.

But I can't help but worry when he is lifeless and refusing water. It scared the crap outta me. Last night he was a lot more alert,although still exhausted and not moving a whole lot (or walking). But there are no more bruises compared to the pictures we took (I'll spare you those, they are gross) and this morning he actually growled at me when I fed him water, which may not seem like a good thing, but he hates having people touch his mouth, so for him to get upset about it again showed me he's feeling more like his old self. Poor little guy. Hopefully we continue on this upward path :-)

Anyways, throughout all my worries, I am proud to report that I did NOT emotionally eat. I wanted to. I wanted to order a giant chicken parm and devour it. Instead I ordered a ceasar salad with dressing on the side, no croutons. I ate a cracker barrell cheese stick wiht some crackers as a snack, and got a small vanilla soft serve ice cream later on. I only went over my dailies by 3, and am proud that I didn't just give up on everything because I was upset.

I didn't work out, but I had to work late yesterday, so I consider that valid enough reasoning :-) Here is my (tentative) plan:
T-Cardio at gym, abs. Shooting for 45-50 minutes cardio and 10 minutes abs
W-strength/cardio
Th-Walking/running?

That way I get in a solid 4 days at the gym this week, and stay on track! I plan on having a low key week. I think this weekend took a lot out of me, emotionally and physically by running around all chicken like. Tonight M and I are continuing with Breaking Bad (great show. I had trouble getting into the first two seasons, because it was so heavy, and there was so much suspense it sort of bothered me after awhile. The third season is just fantastic so far though), and then Wednesday and Thursday night i plan on hanging out with the pup, doing laundry, and cleaning my room, because I haven't done that in far too long! It's actually kind of sad how much I'm looking forward to this "me" time. I love M, and I love spending time with him, but especially where we don't live together, constantly driving back and forth and not being able to do these little organizing things has been driving me crazy!

And I really do love my alone time. Always have, always will :-) It drives me nuts sometimes, because a lot of the people I'm friendly with don't seem to understand that. One group inparticular seems to enjoy being around others 24/7, So saying you just want a night in as a reason to not go out is taken personally, when it is honestly what it is, a night to myself. It's only slightly annoying :-)

Stressed

So this weekend was not a good one. At all.

On Thursday night we brought Toby to the park for a nice walk, since none of us felt like going to the gym, and M was having some pretty bad back pain (he has had it for about a week now, and is going to the doctors tonight. I think he has a muscle spasm, because his pain reminds me of my pain from that. Either way it sucks for him :-( ). The pup was acting totally normal, if anything just wicked excited to be going for a walk.



sad


I noticed a purplish lump on his back leg. In February 09 I got a call from my mom at about 7am, telling me that toby got sick, and he may not make it. He developed a blood disease that caused him to not be able to clot his blood, so he had bruises all over his stomach, and was bleeding internally.

They put him on medicine for it, and thankfully he responded well and within 6 months was back to normal, albeit 15 pounds heavier thanks to the steroids haha.

On Saturday the doctor's confirmed that he had relapsed, and had bruises all over his body, including his gums. He had zero plateletes in his blood smears, and they wanted to hospitalize him, to the tune of 6000 dollars, to start.

My family has had some issues as of late as far as working goes, and money has been tight. My mom has had 3 patients die in the past 3 months, and one move in with her son in CT. She hasn't been stable for awhile, and has suffered money wise as a result. They also just got a tenant into the apartment, after 6-7 months of not having any rent to supplement their income.

So my mom heard that number and flat out told them she didn't have 1000 to give to this, let alone 6. My sister made her out to be a bad guy, but I understand. My sisters, although old enough, don't really have a great understanding of the value of a dollar, and think a couple of grand is no biggie. They constantly take advantage of my parents, have them buy them clothing/silly things whenever they decide they want them. And my mom, who had no problem telling me no growing up, has this issue with putting her foot down with them. Which I don't understand, especially where they both work and make money, and have no real bills. But where I spend at least 60% of my paycheck on bills, that doesn't matter, because I obviously have more to burn than them. It drives me nuts. My sister are constantly blowing their money on expensive shoes, expensive waxes, getting their nails done, etc. I can't afford any type of real luxury (except my nights out and occasional weekends away), and have made it clear that I am trying to save up as much as I possibly can. And yet I'm constantly targeted.

Sorry, rant over with. Anyways so because of this, and because last time we didn't hospitalize him, my mom fought with the doctors to give us an at home plan. Especially where all they were going to do is test him to figure out what was wrong. They couldn't inject him with anything, or give an IV for fear he wouldn't be able to stop bleeding afterwards. It still ended up costing close to 600 bucks, but it's a lot better than the 6 grand.  It's just all very scary, especially where it hurts us to not be able to afford the best treatment possible, you know? It's a very hard thing to decide to do. Hopefully he is ok,  The medicine makes him very tired and moody. Almost lifeless. We've been checking his vitals, and feeding him water with a syringe (he is so tired he refuses to get out of bed, which happened last time with the meds), to keep him from being dehydrated.

It's just so scary to see him like this :-/ We brought him back to the vet yesterday and for another 90 dollars (now up to close to 600 total), they told us that nothing had changed, that he was exactly the same. And that the meds won't kick in right away so the fact that he isn't any worse is a good thing, it's all they could expect from him right now. I just hope he's ok, we've had him for 10 years, he is such a part of my family. It's killing us to see him like this, but I can't imagine what it would be like if he doesn't make it, I just can't :-(

As a result of this, my want to workout yesterday was completely gone. I took a nap with Toby, went to Target with M, and then just relaxed the rest of the night. All I've wanted to do since Saturday is mope and eat bad food. The fact that my stomach has been off and achey all weekend doesn't help either.

I am going to take tonight off working out. I'll only have 45 minutes before I have to take M to his doctor's appointment, and to be honest, my chest/stomach is in knots about this.

My eating thankfully hasn't been too awful. . Thankfully we were so busy carting the pup around I didn't have a lot of time to sit around and eat myself silly. Because I would have. And prior to the vet on Saturday, we went for a hike, and burnt around 730 calories, which felt good!.
My plan is to workout Tues Wednesday and maybe Thursday, depending on how things progress. Hopefully by then he will be starting to show signs of becoming better, and my next post will be a lot happier.

I can tell you what, it is taking every fiber of my being to not through caution to the wind and go crazy for lunch today.I may end up treating myself a bit though. I think i need something delicious.