50!!

So I proved that not so WW behavior and drinking and drunk eating can be recitified by good WW behavior!

I lost .8 today, bringing me down to 208.0, exactly 50 pounds from my start a little over a year ago!! It's especially exciting, because I figured with my not so great WW weekend, I would end up maintaining or gaining this week. But yay for making it work! I definetly worked the plan this week, and it paid off!!

-I was OP every day. Tracked before treats, and stopped myself if I didn't have the points to use.
- I worked out every day, just like I planned. The only difference was I did the 30 Day Shred instead of NMTZ, but hey, that with a walk still burned 375 calories. Not too shabby!
-I pushed myself in those workouts. Running yesterday, I wanted to stop. But I kept on going, and I'm soo happy I did!

So yes, hopefully I can keep up these healthy living vibes, into the weekend.

My weekend is low key. Tonight M and I are hanging out, making dinner, and then going to a bar about 5 minutes away to watch the red sox game for an hour or two. Should be fun :-) I love our date nights. Tomorrow I have no idea what is going on, except that M wants to go to the gym, which should get our butts in gear! I may be babysitting, but I haven't heard anything yet... Hopefully, hopefully.

An Sunday my plan is to either go for a long walk, or a run. Hopefully a run :-) I'm wicked excited for Easter dinner, as we are having lamb and ham. I'm not a big ham fan, but I loove lamb. Love it!


I think overall my lazy weekend should be fun, and well needed! I was so tired this week, Wednesday night I ate dinner and then went to bed at like 9, which rarely happens. It felt good, but at the same time I was STILL tired Thursday morning. I can't wait to sleep in tomorrow!

I read an interesting article in Glamour about a girl with a self diagnosed binge eating issue. One thing I really had to work through when I started WW was the fact that I was in denial about my eating. Ever since I was young, I used food as a crutch. It comforted me, and whenever I was sad/angry/frustrated, since I had trouble expressing my feelings (something I've worked through when I saw a therapist), eating helped satiate that pain.

I would also hide it, from my family. I would take 10 slices of cheese, and stuff it under my shirt, and take it to my room. Cookies, candies, crackers, whatever we had in the house. I did it all the time, because it made me feel better about my parents fighting/mean kids at school/ feeling leftout with friends.


Whatever was bothering me. I remember in 4th grade I went for my physical, and they had told my mom that I had gained 50 pounds in the past year. 50 POUNDS, when I was 10 years old. And I didn't let it stop there, I kept on going, and by the time I was 13 I weight 232 pounds. At that point, my doctor said something, and had me see a nutritionist, who basically told me to portion food and not eat like I was. Big help, right? obviously this wasn't intentional, but I subconsciously needed food. I had friends, but they weren't very nice, my parents fought a lot, as this was the time when both my parents had hurt themselves on the job, so they were making literally half of what they should have been, while supporting 4 kids under 14. I remember my dad used to make comments about how I was hiding food, and that's why I'm so big. But eating, at this point, was the main focus of my day. It's what I enjoyed the most out of life, why would I take that away?

It stayed like this till I was 15/16, and I became closer with the friends I had made in high school. I had something that made me truly happy, but I was like weighing in at 250 and when you are 16 and don't drink, there are few activities out there that don't involve food.

So the point of this whole speech? Is that I am beyond guilty of binge eating, and overeating. Even Wednesday night, I got home late, had to cook up dinner, and was pissed off at something my mom said. What did I do? I reached for some chips. And ended up having about 10 of them before I stopped myself.

That's right, ladies and gentleman, I stopped myself. I remembered the article in glamour, and how it listed the different signs of binge eating, and ways to overcome it. I asked myself why I was eating, and put the chips away. I realized that even though I thought my using food to cover up what I was feeling was a thing of my past, from when I was a kid, I still to some extent do it.

I still turn to food when I'm sad. I still make excuses for my eating, and will sometimes get candy, and make sure I eat it before I get home/pick up a friend.

But, you have to know, that for me realizing that I do this is half the battle. Pre Weight Watchers, I didn't think there was anything wrong with the way I ate. I really didn't eat more than my skinny friends. But in order to lose the extra 100 pounds I packed on as a child, I was going to have to do more, and I was going to have to embark on a healthy lifestyle. And part of that healthy lifestyle is recognizing where I falter, and slowly bettering myself. And stepping back, asking myself why I am doing this, is a big step for me, and I couldn't be happier with myself because of that :-)

My goal for April was to hit 205. I'm at 208 even right now, so I doubt it will happen. But I am going to be good this week, in hope that I can at least come close :-)