Figuring Out What Works

So let me start off by saying that I  have never really gone through a "rut" with WW. For which I am very lucky, because a lot of people do go through ruts with their weight loss. I'm sure I will eventually, but the closest I came was about a month and a half ago, when I was limiting myself to my APs alone, limiting my indulgences to rarely, and getting a tad bit obsessive to be honest. What made matters worse was that with all this and my 40+ APs earned each week, I was losing small numbers, if anything at all. I was more getting frustrated because I could feel myself being restricted, and yet I wasn't seeing any payoff.

Looking back, one fact about my weight loss journey that I've noticed is that it is constantly changing. I cannot do the same things for 2+ years and lose the same amounts every week, and find success  that way. Especially with the transition from Momentum to Points Plus, it just wouldn't work.

I started out my weight loss journey by trying different things, and eventually finding my rhythm. From April - September 2010 I was working out 3-4 times a week consistently. I was eating about 1/2-2/3 of my weeklies, and for the most part seeing good losses. I got lazy in September as far as my eating went, but still saw decent sized losses throughout the fall.

Points Plus took some adjustment for me. It also didn't help that it started up right at the holidays, because as it was my first December on Weight Watchers, I had a lot going on and very little idea how to handle situations. I didn't lose that month, but I didn't gain either.

To be honest, the first three months of this year I was toying with PP. I was having small losses, and trying to figure out what I needed to change, and what I didn't. I thought I had figured it out in March/April, with my "only eating what I earn in AP" philosophy, but honestly my losses were unpredictible. And I hated that. If I work hard and do everything right, I want to have that reflected on the scale. I don't want to be dissapointment every week because the number isn't what I thought it would be. And in the same respect, I don't want to see said losses on the weeks that I don't do well. That doesn't help with this motivation issue!

I think that played a big part into why I was getting burnt out. I was obsessing about the number I was seeing each week, and every goddamn thing that went into my mouth. I was beating myself up when I cheated (I shouldn't call it cheating, I should call it living), or when I only made it to the gym 3 times instead of 4, so fearful that even though I had a good week, it still wouldn't be reflected on the scale.

The week before I went to Portland, I gave in. I started to try to get all my GHG's even if it means going into my weeklies by 1-3 for the day. I stopped being afraid to use my weeklies (in my mind, I had so many points in the day. eating my weeklies would make me gain) for items other than Friday/Saturday nights out. I'd have a bit more meat with dinner, or  add the oil and cheese to my veggies to give them a bit more flavor. I started to track everything truthfully again, even if that candy bar or brownie was going to put me over for the day. I stopped being afraid to use the points, because that was a big hurdle for me starting Points Plus. I had it in my mind that my weeklies are there for emergencies, when in reality I should be using them for daily living.

And you know what? I saw HUGE losses those weeks (not my vacation week obviously), including this past one. I knew how hard I worked, how I stayed on track when my friends were visiting, and made sure to get a lot of walks in, even if I didn't make it to the gym. It's so funny that when I stopped being afraid to enjoy myself and eat the points that are given to me, I actually started to see a reflection of my efforts, the one part of the weight watcher program that has frustrated me so much.


And to be honest, I never bought into the philosophy of "eating more and losing more", but now I get it. I'm fuller now, more satisfied. I'm getting in all my GHGs, and focusing on healthy living, even if it is a few points more. I let myself get so obsessed because I didn't feel like I was in control. Every weigh in was a cross your fingers type scenario.

And I'm far from perfect, I definetly don't have it "figured out". I had a quasi good week, but definietly overdid it with the chocolate and candy this weekend, so who knows. To be honest, I'm normally pretty good during that "time of the month", but this week I had horrendous cravings. Like I'm talking animalistic. So I can't place the blame on myself for that :-)

And who knows, in a month I may have to re-evaluate what I'm doing and try something completely new. That is the double edged sword of a weight loss journey. It's never ending, and constantly transforming based on the needs on my body at the time.

I've still got a long way to go. I realize that 40-45 pounds (I may drop my goal weight down to 155, I'll post a different post about  that though) is no easy feat, and will probably take me another year or so. But hey, the ultimately motivator is to look back on what you've come from, not where you're headed. And look at how far I've come in the past year :



And thats only in the past year!

  If that won't get my butt to the gym and keep me going, I don't know what will :-)

Why Do Sunny Days

always fall on a Monday that I'm working?


For real. All weekend was rainy cloudy, or overcast. then I wake up this morning, and its gorgeous. And I see everyone without a desk job is going to the beach

Yea, I'm jealous :-) All I want is a beach day, is that so wrong?

For the first time this month, I had a quiet weekend. And it was awesome. I definetly felt it too, Wednesday I came home from the gym and seriously wanted to pass out then and there. I was absolutely exhausted, and it pretty much translated into the weekend. I slept a good amount Friday night, and yet I was still exhausted all day and night,  with no amount of coffee being able to wake me up.

And because of my exhaustion, I obviously didn't work out. I mean, why would I? I was tired! And that is the best excuse ever to say "Eff the gym" and lie around watching Friday Night Lights all afternoon, right?

Ohh Marie. Thankfully, I made plans to be active with M and sisters on Sunday, and I couldn't get out of that (not until I went to a weight watcher boardie meet up at Buffalo Wild Wings though! It was great to meet some of them in real life!)

So I got dressed in my workout gear and headed out to the Blue Hills for a hiking adventure. We did the basic trails up and down, nothing crazy or new, but it was still a lot of fun, and made me feel 10 times better. I really have found that I like hiking a lot. It's a great workout, a great way to spend time outside, and to spend time with M and my sisters. Plus, it's gorgeous up there, and quiet, so you can truly just relax and enjoy yourself, while burning a compariable amount of calories as I would when I go to the gym.

I think that's why I haven't been going as much as I would like. I've just found so many ways to work out outside, and it rarely feels like actually working out, which is just an added bonus :-)

Friday Reflections

I hit 199.2 today, which in my mind makes my drop into the ONE hundreds more official than it was 2 weeks ago :-) I'm out of the 200's. Which is the first time I can say that since (here's a revelation) 5th grade.

No lies. Prior to third grade I was actually a pretty healthy, moderately skinny child (I have pictures!) But  3rd-6th grade my parents fought a lot. They had money issues, and a lot of family issues, mainly surroundng my grandfather and his mental health problems.The fighting got better eventually, but I feel like it affected me a lot more than it affected my sisters. Whenever they fought, I used to take my sisters up to my bedroom and make sure they were ok, and away from the screaming. I think my method of dealing with it (Since as a 8 year old I had to be strong for my sisters) was through food. I would sneak cheese, crackers, whatever I could find, and sit there and make mini sandwiches, like 10 of them. At the time, I didn't see anything wrong with it. I didn't know I was hoarding food. My doctor called the weight I gained "baby fat", and that I would grow out of it. It wasn't until I was 11 that she sent me to a nutritionist, because obviously a 11 year old shouldn't weigh 230 pounds.

I don't blame my parents at all. They did the best they could, they even sent me to a therapist, which was basically a woman who let me play with toys for an hour and would ask me twice how I was feeling. Waste of money, honestly, but they tried. I've always been the "strong" one, who kept things in and dealt with stuff in my way, so that I didn't add the burden onto my parents. When in truth everything culminated together made me pretty damn depressed, until I made some good friends Sophmore year of High School. Then the weight gain and my home life didn't upset me as much, because I had them to make me happy.

I can't help but think of these memories now more than ever, because it makes me think back to when I was this low, and I realize I can't remember when I weighed less than 200. I remember gaining 50 pounds between 3rd and 4th grade, and another 50 the following year. I look back, and wonder why it didn't bother me. Why didn't I get upset by it, or want to change. Especially in middle school my quality of life was diminished. I was teased, mocked, and had things thrown at me. I was treated like a lesser being by some of my (former) friends, because I was looked down upon by the pretty girls they desperated imitated and tried to be like. It was the main reason why I went to the Catholic High School instead of the public one. I hated the kids in my school, and wanted needed a change.

I see my 17 year old sister now, who lost over 100 pounds when she was 16. Regardless of the fact that she gained a bit back and is struggling to lose it again, she is still such a remarkable person. I see so much of my struggles in her (flaky friends, mean people, lonliness), the difference is she had the strength to do what I could never do. She took her life,  and she transformed it for the better. And regardless of her struggles and the reprocussions of her weight loss, and the fact that her friends still suck sometimes, (Something which I attribute it to having such awesome older sisters that made her so much cooler than the average high schooler :-P) she handles it all so well (most of the time). When she felt sad she asked my mom to see a therapist. When she saw herself spiraling downward and getting scared because of her weight loss, she reached out for help. That alone makes her such a strong person. She doesn't hold resentment towards my parents like my other sister P does, but she doesnt hold in her issues either. She's just such an awesome kid, and I'm so proud of her. It makes me wish I had her strength when I was that age.

I started my weight loss journey for real in April 2010 because I was just tired. I was tired of always hating the way I looked, I was tired of being the big girl. I was tired of my self confidence being so low that I felt (and honestly sometimes still feel) like nothing I had to say has/had any value. I was tired of being exhausted all the time, and bearly having the energy to do day to day things. I had dieted before this, I had even done WW before this,

I just wish I got tired sooner.

+2.2

I jumped on the scale Friday morning. I was up 2.2 from last week. Which I obviously expected. But I won't lie, I wished that I would miraculously be under last week, just because life wanted to reward me for my vacation victories and enjoying myself (now, wouldn't it be awesome if life rewarded you for just enjoying yourself?)

Ah well. Moving on. I know what I could have done better (a lot!). I also know that I had a blast, and needed the break (see previous post). I can't get hung up on the scale, it was only one week, right?

The past weekend my friends A and D came up from Jersey to visit my other friend A and I! The four of us (plus a bunch of others who couldn't make it this weekend) were in London together, and a good time happens whenever they come to visit, this time was no different. Lots of fun, lots of laughing, and lots of me missing our time together in London. Love those girls and love when they come visit! The only downer was I ended up having to babysit saturday night, and my friend A ended up having to go home to see her family, so I felt awful leaving them by themselves. Thankfully M (who really earned his brownie points with me this weekend) came through and met up with them for me, and bar hopped with them. I have never been so thankful to have such a kick-ass boyfriend as I was on Saturday. I was so stressed out with everything (we went to the bruins parade, so some of them had been drinking since noon, and were in rough shape by 6 when I left) and just knowing that my friends were having a great time and not left stranded in the city helped enormously. But enough of that gush :-)




How cute are they? this is them on the busride up friday!

 
All in all, a good weekend.  I did have a plan this weekend though. Did I stick with it perfectly? nope. But I finished the week out tracking everything and making decent choices. I only drank one night (Saturday night I had to babysit, so I missed the bar hopping part and didn't get to meet up with them until close to 1am), and then limited my drinks considerably. I did snack a lot, but I tracked it to the best of my abilities, and can say that I'm still in a pretty good place this week. Now for a weekend after a gain, I definetly could have done better. I did walk a ton (all around boston, I felt it both mornings) but I didn't get to the elusive gym. And I was a bit lax with my WW choices (ginger chicken udon actually turned out to be a relatively healthy choice, as did the turkey burger I had for lunch Saturday), but I didn't just throw caution to the wind and go crazy either.

I also have my first not crazy week in about a month coming up this week. I actually have time to relax, and really focus on my weight loss journey.  And I fully plan on taking advantage of it. Here is my plan (in addition to healthy eating and minimal snacking):
M- gym- 35-40 minutes eliptical, strength training
T- running outside (probably at the beach so just 2 miles)
W- gym- running inside, strength
Thursday- day off

Where I haven't (confessional) worked out consistently in a few weeks, I figure three days on and then a day off are a great start. I have worked out, don't get me wrong. But it's been varied, and not nearly as intense as what I was doing a few weeks back. I'm getting back into it, break time is over! I miss how I felt when I worked out regularly. I slept better, I felt thinner (which was all mental but still), and I was less tempted all the time. I am determined to get below 200, and closer to my goal. And now that life is calming down after graduations, vacations and friend visits, I have the opportunity to focus on myself once again. Life will always get in the way, and it's ok to not be as intense with my system sometimes. I don't want to get to the point where I feel like I have to give up everything just to work out and be healthy. There has to be that balance between the fun and the work. It's my enternal struggle :-)

That Darn Race

So I've put off this post, mainly because I've been crazy busy, but also because I kind of wanted to put the 5K behind me, and just forget it, start to train for another one in September. I did so well with my training this time around, but a largepart of my training made me realize that I hate running on a treadmill. I learned to love running outside. Unfortunetly we had awful weather the week and a half before the race, and I won't lie, I made up excuses to not go to the gym and run on the treadmill. I had also forgotten that this course extremely hilly. I'm talking you look at these hills and say to yourself "there is no way I'm running up that".

But that wasn't the problem with the race. I could have handled that. The problem with the race was that all day (and in all honestly for the few days before as well) I felt off. I couldn't explain it, I just didn't feel great. I felt bloated, and crampy. Which is an awful combination. I tried to stretch out and drink water as much as I could before the race. I even went to the bathroom to make sure I wouldn't have to go halfway through. And the first 4-5 minutes I was fine. And then the cramp started. It was the worst side stich I had ever experienced, and I'm not exaggerating. It scared me, because I could feel my side pulsating as I pressed down on it, trying my hardest to work through the cramp and find my stride. But I couldn't.

During this, my heart started racing. I wore my HRM because I wanted to see the calorie burn, but I could feel it around my chest because my chest felt so tight. The number was close to 200 running, and when I was walking refused to go down past 170. For me running it is normally between 150-170, but never really higher than that. I was nervous and scared, and ended up stopping and breathing deeply for 10 seconds about 4 times, but I still couldn't shake this feeling.

Around 1.5 miles (I'm estimating this because it was about halfway between 1 and 2) the cramp wore off. I had taken my HRM off so that it didn't freak me out anymore. I found a stride. My chest still felt tight, but I could breathe without the pain in my side, so that was good. I could deal with chest tightness :-)

I ended up finishing 41:03. Which could have been a lot worse considering my first mile I clocked in at 17 minutes. My average pace time was 13:30, which means that I completed the second and third mile a lot closer to where I wanted to be. I didn't achieve my goal of sub 40, but I did do better than the last time I tried this course (the Best Buddies race last November)

Bad runs happen. I know that. I'm pretty much over it. I did feel awful for about 24 hours afterwards, and I'm pretty sure that with the pain, my asthma acted up. Which explains the chest tightness. I've had asthma since I was 13, but it's very well controlled. It only flares up when I'm working out, am sick, or have pain of some sort. So it all makes sense :-)

I'm moving on. I'm going back to running regularly starting Monday. I am planning on running a 5K in September, and by then I should be able to (hopefully) run the whole thing!

Because You Can't Let Life Pass You By

Am I right?


That is the theme of my life right now. I've talked about it before, but lately I've been feeling burnt out from tracking. From watching what I eat. From doing Weight Watchers. It's not like I'm not seeing success, but I just feel tired. I walk by people at work eating their muffins and their pasteries on Breakfast Thursdays and wish I could do it to (And I know you can, but the points aren't worth it to me) and not care what I'm consuming.


Ok I don't wish that. I'm happier now than I've ever been, I just hit a wall, so to speak. You do anything for a really long time, eventually you are going to get tired of it, you know? I don't care who you are and how much success you've had on weight watchers. Eventually, it gets hard. And annoying. And you sometimes just think to yourself "I just want to devour a burger" without abandon. Or drink myself silly without thinking about the points plus damage.

So I took my vacation, and vowed not to think about Points Plus. At all. I was going to enjoy myself and have a good time. And take a break from it all. And it was great.

Seriously people. Great. I have so many victories to share (and some bad things too, but I'll share those as well. Full disclosure, right?)

Victories!
-I can honestly say that at every meal I stopped myself when I was full. That includes not finishing my fries at the fish and chips place, ordering a small burger from mcdonalds (hey, sometimes you need it) and bringing home the pizza from Flatbread Pizza Co.
-We walked everywhere! The first night we walked the mile and half into downtown Portland. Then we walked from bar to bar. Saturday we walked around downtown. Especially Saturday night. We went to bars clear across town, and even though it was raining, we still trecked it out. Sunday was our big day. We went to a Wildlife park, and it all spread out. In addition to being a blast, it felt like a great workout afterwards!
-M and I did not drunk eat once. We wanted to, a bit. The second night we even bought snacks so we could do it healthy style. But we resisted, and I'm proud of us for that!

Not so Victorious:
-I drank. A lot. I also threw up the second night from drinking, which I haven't done in almost 8 months. Yikes Marie, Yikes. We partied a bit too hard. Next time we go away we both agreed we don't want to be hungover both days :-)
-I may have snacked a lot Saturday afternoon. Hey, I was hungry!! And on Vacation! :-)

We had such good food while we were there though. Awesome Jappanese, great pizza, great Fish and Chips, amazing Belgian style french fries. I was in foodie heaven!

All in all a good trip. I did overindulge drink style Saturday night, but things happen, right? It could have been worse, and as of right now I'm only up 2 pounds, which I'm okay with.

I've realized a lot of my happiness is based off the scale, which isn't fair. So much of my success is based on what isn't in those numbers. Personal Happiness, Athletic ability, loss of inches. How can I achieve all that and still not lose weight some weeks? And then proceed to beat myself up over it. I need to relax on the scale for awhile. I'm still going to weigh in, but I'm not going to make it my life. If I hit what I want to hit, great. If I don't then I'll just have to do better this week. It's a journey, and I can't live my life constantly restricting myself. There is a line between indulging all the time and just living my life. It's totally doable, I just need to work on my self restraint, and figuring out what's truly important to me.

I do have to update on my race, I'll do that another time though. It's going to be a long one :-)

Vacationland/ ONEderland!!

So since M is taking  a shower, and there is nothing on tv while I wait, I figured I'd update :-)

I loved having yesterday off! It was so nice to sleep in a bit, and have the day to run errands and such. I also woke up and ran for bit. Unfortunately I wasn't on my A game, and ate too close to when I started my run, so I felt off, and got an awful stitch that wouldn't go away. So my run turned into a walk jog, but the way I see it, I wouldn't have gotten anything in yesterday, so it's still a win :-) plus we're going to try to work out today, and then we're going to go kayaking (weather permitting), which will be a good workout as well. Plus life calms down a bit next week, so I'll be able to get in some workouts :-)



I also had a very exciting weigh in yesterday morning, 199.8!!! I honestly can't remember the last time I weighed this little, I'm pretty sure I was still in elementary school. I know I will probably have a small gain next week, but plan on combating it with healthy eating and less drinking.

But so far so good with my plan to enjoy myself without going overboard. We went out last night, and had a late lunch before we left(soup from New England Soup Factory, and we split a wrap), and then went to this belgian style cafe for dinner, where we split a large fry (which was phenom) and a meatloaf panini. We got the sauce on the side, and it honestly didn't need it. I am proud to say that I did not drunk eat, and was satisfied by that alone!!

I'll be sure to post some pics next time!!

Vacation weeks ALWAYS drag

Don't they? I took Friday off ages ago for my pending vacation with M. Since he got his job (which totally outweighs this), we can't leave here till around 3, so I have the day off to hang out, get ready, etc etc. I might try and book a little beach time in there too ;-)

This weekend was busy! I ended up eating a sandwich that did not agree with me (it tasted fine, but I'm wondering if the pesto was off. I was buzzed while eating it, it could very well be the case). So most of the beer fest was spent clutching my sides in the bathroom. Lovely way to spend 45 dollars, let me tell you. I felt bad, for myself and for M since it was just the two of us. Hopefully the next one goes better!! I learned my lesson, I will always eat beforehand!! It was still fun though, for the time I got to enjoy it :-)

Saturday M and I managed to get in a little gym time. I spent a solid 45 minutes working on strength training, because I still felt a bit off from Friday. As of Wednesday I was still sore. And I was honestly wondering if I maybe I pulled a muscle, since I hadn't done anything in a week and a half (Strength wise anyways, I've been busy!!). However I went to the gym last night, against all odds.

I left my sports bra at home. so I had to go all the way home, and then change and head to the quincy PF, which I hate. It's always busy and people are always standing around judging. Especially in the weight area.

But I went , and am proud to say I stood my ground and did upper body weights in the free weight section, even with all the big muscley guys crowding the area and walking around (seriously at least 3 of them almost walked into me). I actually got a good strength workout, even though I purposely didn't use my lower body at all. I used 7.5 pound weights, and can feel it today! I also spent 35 minutes on the eliptical, working my way up from level 7-10. I think from now on I'm going to start on level 8, because the first 10 minutes were very easy, and my HR was pretty low for me (around 140-150). Normally it's low for the first 5 or so and then picks up, so I think starting at a higher level with bring me back to that!

All in all a good workout, which I was happy with. I was so nervous that I had hurt myself, but I really felt no pain, which was awesome :-)  And today I feel so much better! It's funny how tricky that line between normal soreness and bad alert soreness is, isn't it?


And throughout everything this week: little sister's graduation, M's birthday (which included Tapas and Sangria. Amazing), the beer fest, and only working out twice (but taking long walks with the puppy two times as well), I am still showing a maintan from last week, at least. Which is exciting. I can honestly say that I did well with all these events. I didn't drink too much on Sunday, and only ate 2/3 of my meal. I stopped myself with tapas when I was full, and M and I only got a half liter of sangria, instead of the full. And thanks to quasi food poisoning I only drank half what I planned on drinking at the beer fest. So I consider this week to be a win! I can't have crazy 40+ AP weeks all the time. That's just life, I need to accept that. And I think having this weekend away will be great for me. M and I plan on working out on Saturday morning (tentatively) and swimming both days, plus we are going to walk to town and back from the hotel (its a big road, very safe and about 1/.4 miles each way), so I'll get some APs to combat the drinks and delicious food! I need a weekend off from tracking, and plan to jump back on the WW bandwagon sunday night, hopefully not inflicting any damage.

My focus this weekend will be the same as my birthday. To indulge without going overboard. To not stress about points, but instead focus on hunger signals and what I need vs what I want. I think it's going to be great for me!

Five Things Friday

First of all, I have no idea how, but I hit 201.2 today! Seriously, I weighed myself like 3 times. I guess the eating more and working out less was good for my body, got it out of norm and shook things  up for me. Either way I'm excited :-) I don't think I've ever lost that much before in one week!!

I'm distracted by the fact that In just a few hours I will be on my way to the American Craft Beer Fest,  so you get onna these :-)

1. The American Craft Beer Fest
M and I have gone every year since 2009, when I was finally 21 for it :-) It's so much fun! The begining is a little crowded, but by 7-8pm it clears out, and you can take your time, sample all these great companies, and talk to the pourers about the companies. It's through the beer fests that M and I have found all these great beer companies (Woodstock Inn, Stoudts, Russian River, Blue Hills, the list goes on and on!)

Also, last year was at the height of my gastro issues, so I spent the majority of the time chugging water trying to get rid of my heart burn. I am 10 times better this year, and have a purse full of tums and prevacid, So I plan to drink and enjoy myself. Game plan for dinner is to get a small sandwich early and then share noodles with M afterwards, to help soak up the alcohol :-)

2. Hiking

I'm all talk. I'm always saying "we should go for a hike this weekend" but when it comes up I always find an excuse. It might rain, I have stuff to do, I don't know if we have time. But Monday afternoon M and I headed up to the Blue Hills with two of my sisters, and it was a blast. I burnt a ton of calories, we hiked for almost 3 hours. It was such an invigorating feeling to get to the top and look around, and realize how far you came. I hope to do it more, and try more intense trails, build up my endurance ;-)

(Sorry for the awful quality of these, phone pics on top of the mountain don't do it justice. Thankfully my sweat stains are also hidden)

3. Groupon/Bloomspot/Living Social Deals

Lately I've been really utilizing this resource, and have gotten some great deals that I'm super excited to try!
-Half off breakfast or lunch at the Haven, a scottish restaurant around here that M has wanted to try
-Half off food at Cityside bar, which is in a great area and will be a good place to grab dinner before going out! Funny story I actually bought this thinking it was Big City, another bar that we frequent. We've never actually been to cityside, but I'm excited to have an excuse to go somewhere else!
-Half off clothing from Old Navy- no secrets, I'm pumped for this guy
-Half off Tapas in Brighton- I saw this on Bloomspot and decided to buy it! We are going to go for M's birthday on Tuesday!

The only downside is in Mass you can't use it on alcohol. Oh well, we never really go out to eat, just because of the price. So it'll be a ton of fun to get to try these new restaurants!

4. The New Coldplay Song

I'm sure it will be crazy overplayed, but I'm going to enjoy it now :-)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Kf_6BWcOOg

5.  Graduations

I can honestly say that my favorite part of high school was Graduation Week. It started out with Prom. Then you have a week off filled with Senior Breakfast, Senior Luncheon, Bachelaureate, Senior Tribute, Graduation rehersals, the Drive Around, and then finally, Graduation itself. I loved how big of a deal Fontbonne made graduation, it made it such a great experience. Now my baby sister is graduating on Sunday, and it is bringing me back :-) I'm so excited for her graduation, she's had a tough year school wise (horrible teachers, struggling with maintaining her weight loss) and I know she is looking forward to college and moving on from high school :-)

Memorial Day Recap and June Goals

Sorry for the delay in posting. I have no reason for it, except pure laziness. I had a .2 loss on Friday, which was good (a loss is a loss) but I think the whole being within 5 pounds of 200 is getting old. I just want to get there! Slow losses are good, I need to be less impatient. I know what I can do better. If I'm being honest with myself:
-I've been cheating. A lot. Little handfuls here, a couple of chips there. A cookie or two that "don't count". It all counts. I've been lying to myself. Why, you ask? I mean, I've lost 53 pounds, I have been on Weight Watchers for over a year now. Why go back to my initial ways and miscalculate things?

Over the weekend I did a lot of thinking. I've realized that the WW program is awesome. I love all it has helped me accomplish. I also realize that it makes me crazy sometimes, which makes me resent it. Especially lately all I've wanted to do was eat what I've wanted and enjoy my life. And I can, but WW does limit that significantly. Which leads to me getting burnt out, and denying my bad behavior. I'm one step away from sneaking donuts again. Which while these little cheats are normally tasty, are they worth it? I want to get below 200, and hit my goal weight. And the way to do that isn't to cheat, and purposely misjudge.

So I'm not going to mention my May goals, because I haven't been honestly following the plan. Did I limit my desserts, and hit my AP goals? sure. But I got lazy with pretracking, and lied to myself, which is a big enough fail to overcome those two plusses.

So June 1st, fresh start, here are my goals for the month :
-Make Tracking A Priority. Every bite, every taste. Before it goes into my mouth, I want to think about whether I want to count those points or not
-Earn 150 APs by July 4 This is a WW board challenge, but I think it'll be a great motivator
-Hit 200 by July 4th Weekend. I'm 4.8 away. It'll be my main motivator to stay on track over my mini vacation
-Focus on Hunger Signals over wants, and portion control! I need to start training myself to stop when I'm done. I want to be able to list at least 3 times I accomplish this
-Run a 5K- Even if its not the milton one. I'm a little turned off by the milton one, mainly because of what I found out last Wednesday night.

Let me share. Apparently when my friend J posted a link to the Milton road race on my wall, 2 of M's friend's  girlfriends (who I'm friendly with) decided they wanted to do it too, with their bfs. But didn't include me in that, just decided that they were going to do it together.

So imagine my surprise when one of them a few weeks ago mentioned how "excited" she was for the race. I was racking my brain thinking "did I mention it? Did I invite her?" I should mention that this girl is slightly crazed. She is extremely competitive with others with her weight loss and exercise (oh you didn't work out today ? I ran 3 miles. One of those), which stems from insecurity which is why I don't let it bother me normally. But with a 5K, I'm already insecure with my running. I'm not fast, I've had knee problems, and I know that if I run it with people other than M and my friend J (and my sisters), I'll be constantly thinking others are pitying me. Which I don't want.

I even got a taste of that. the competitive one was talking about it, and saying how she's had knee pain lately but she'll "power" through that. I mentioned that last time we walked a lot of it and still finished in 42, her response? "yea I want to do well so that's not an option". Fan-freaking-tastic. That is why I was slightly annoyed that they decided the 4-6 of them were going to do the race. I want to be proud of my achievement, not put down afterwards (she'll either make a comment about how awesome she did or how crappy she did, which will probably still be faster than me). It's silly, it's an open race and free for everyone, but I just felt like deciding to tag along without even asking or mentioning it to me is kind of rude, and put a taint on what would have been a fun race. But whatever, it'll be a big crowd, I may not even see them, you know?

I just hate people who compete with their friends. It's supposed to be fun, not a chance to put others beneath you. But whatever. I'll deal, and I do want to run it, I've come so far.

Some quick highlights of Memorial Day:
- I started my "think before eat" campaign, and honestly, I did well with it! I tracked everything, including the one chicken wing I stole from M's plate :-)
-I ate wholesome foods all weekend. Some highlights-Fish, Fish tacos, chicken stir fry, steak kabobs, a burger with salad. Filling without the massive calorie intake.
-I did drink Friday and Sunday. But I resisted drunk eating (even though I really wanted to), so my point damage wasn't terrible.
-I ran 3.8 miles in 55 minutes (including a warm up and cool down) on Thursday night. It was slightly muggy but felt awesome! I took 2 30 second breaks, and felt unstoppable afterwards.
- I went for a 2.5 hour hike with M and 2 of my sisters on Monday. We started out with an easy loopy trail, and then did a more intense rocky trail to the top. It was intense, My heart rate was sky high through the rocky part, but it was awesome at the end :-)

All in all, a good weekend :-) I enjoyed myself without being crazy, and for that alone I am pleased with my efforts.